Be a Candle

In a few days’ time many American families, including mine, will be celebrating Thanksgiving.

As my family can trace its roots back to the Mayflower, I am especially cognizant of the fact that this day isn’t a cause for celebration for a lot of people. It is instead, a Day of Mourning. I am thankful for many things in my life, including feeling safe and getting to call a beautiful place home, and that I have family and friends who love me. I am conscious, always, to the fact that so many more people do not feel the same. Our world is undeniably struggling through a volatile time. Truthfully, where there is humanity there is struggle.

Be a candle.

One small candle.

A warm glow against an impenetrable night.

More candles, more hope

To keep the dark at bay.

Don’t let the shadows drown you,

Smother your light, strangle your heart.

If stifled, light anew.

More candles, more hope.

The Results Are In!

For a long time I wanted to get my DNA tested.  When I happened along a Groupon I decided to finally do it.  That was about six weeks ago. I got my results this morning! 

The results surprised me and it has taken me a fair amount of time to thoroughly read the manual that came with the results, and to digest all the information. I thought I was mainly British/Irish and Eastern European (the border near Russia has changed so much it is easier to generalize).

However, according to AncestryByDNA I’m 98% European, with the bulk of that coming from Iraq! And I'm apparently Scottish, not British/Irish. 2% is Indigenous American which I did believe there would be a small amount of, but the top matching country is Venezuela!  Say what?!

In my endeavor to make sense of my genetic blueprint I realized that perhaps these results aren't as bizarre as first they seemed, and felt.

On my mom's maternal side, my great-aunt researched our lineage and we can claim Mayflower descendancy. On my mom's paternal side we figured Irish seeing as my grandfather's surname was McCann, and his family settled in the coal mining region around West Virginia. One of my uncles is now working on researching that side of the family's ancestry so it could be rather interesting to learn more about them in light of what I found out today.  I suppose it's not terribly far-fetched to go from British/Irish to Scottish.

My paternal side of the family is Jewish. I always thought they were from Eastern Europe along the border with Russia, so potentially Russian or Polish or whatever depending on which country was ruling at any given time. That being said, it's fairly reasonable to consider that our ancestors could've migrated from the Middle East region northward at some point further back that anyone alive during my time remembers.

In conclusion, I can add myself to the growing list of people who are surprised by their DNA tests!

Why the heck do you do that??

One cannot stay on the summit forever –
One has to come down again.
So why bother in the first place? Just this.
What is above knows what is below –
But what is below does not know what is above.

One climbs, one sees –
One descends and sees no longer
But one has seen!

There is an art of conducting one’s self in
The lower regions by the memory of
What one saw higher up.

When one can no longer see,
One does at least still know.

-René Daumal-

Someone wrote this poem in the register at the Granite Mountain lookout, an 8.6 mile hike with 3,800 feet in elevation gain that two friends and I tackled on Friday. The poem resonated with me so much so that I looked it up when we got back home. It reminded me of why I love caving as well. Such activities command your attention in a way that you almost can't help but be totally present in the moment. And if you open yourself to it, these adventures can bring clarity to other areas of your life.

I often find it difficult to explain my wanderlust and unabating yearning to get outdoors. For others who share my enthusiasm, there's no need for explanations. For those less adventuresome, I feel like I'm on an ongoing mission to find some allusive phrase that will give them an "ah ha" moment where they suddenly get it. I'm slowly realizing that there probably isn't a one-size-fits-all explanation, and that because we are all so very different, not everyone can understand it. And that's OK.

Decisions

I’m a terrible blogger, but occasionally I find I still have reasons for writing a post.

On April 23rd, while Jeff was working and my mom was out of town, I took the kids to Fox Hollow Family Farm. We had been there before – it’s a fun place for the kids with a variety of things to do in a very pretty setting nestled between Squak and Tiger Mountain in Issaquah. While the kids played in and around the Farm Village playhouses toward the end of the afternoon I found myself sitting next to the pen where a mama cow and her baby were. Both of them ambled over to me and I petted them. As I looked into that mama’s eyes and let her sniff my hand it struck me what it meant to eat meat. I had reached a turning point and I felt it. A short time later a worker happened by and the sow mooed at him, several times.  Laughing, he told her it wasn’t supper time yet.  He said she knew exactly who he was, and what it normally meant when he came around. Food!

For a while I hadn’t been going out of my way to eat meat, but that day I believe I moved from unconsciously avoiding it to consciously avoiding it. On April 27^th, I ate my last steak tacos from the Taco Truck here in Maple Valley. I kept my Altoids for a few more days and had s’mores that Sunday, but eventually I threw out the Altoids and I bought vegan marshmallows for some upcoming camping trips. I even returned an unopened bottle of calcium because it, too, had gelatin. After doing some soul-searching which included research on the internet (yeah, I know how that sounds. I've become very good at being critical of everything I read online) I realized I didn’t think I could stomach dairy anymore either. At its most basic, cow milk is meant for baby cows. It’s what calves need to grow rapidly into +1,000 lb mammals. Perhaps there’s a reason 75% of humans are lactose intolerant to some degree. I breastfed my kids for a combined total of six and a half years … and partly I believe because of that, when I watched this video it gutted me. Dairy cows are animals, and they are mothers. Just like me. In all honesty when my kids were very small my love for animals took a back seat to my very own humans, but that has gradually changed. I have enough love for all in my heart. How could I genuinely care about cats and dogs, but not for the welfare of pigs who have been proven to have higher intelligence than our pets?

On May 5^th, I ate cheese with my lunch for the last time. I’m undecided about eggs, only because if I want to I could buy them from a friend whose chickens are very well-cared for. I’m also on the fence about honey … because sure, bees are alive, but they are insects ... like mosquitoes, no?? I purposely sought out a brand of sugar that doesn’t use bone char the other day though.  And so this is a journey I have embarked upon. It’s a life change. I’m so very far from perfect, and I have to try to remember not to mentally beat myself up if I make what I perceive as a mistake.  There is so much to learn, and I don't feel like I've closed a door, but rather opened one. There is a huge new world full of delicious variety to explore. Except for asparagus. That's still gross. I’m not exactly a newbie, considering my mom has waded between vegetarian and vegan since I was a kid. We already own this book, and my goodness are there some yummy things in there.

As if this wasn’t a big enough change, on May 9^th I registered for the Tough Mudder Half with some friends that happens at the end of September and I’m super excited about it. I’m very much not a runner.  I never have been.  But I started running in preparation for this event, and I’m finding I like it. I did a Warrior Dash and Mud Run a few years back and now I’m feeling super motivated to get fit and even more healthy. A few months ago I bought a new cave suit and it was just a tad snug. I'm planning to need it come October and I'm determined that it fit me a little loosely instead!

Like so many others, I resolved myself time and again to eat healthy, but I always fell off the wagon. Mostly at night or on the weekend was when I was most tempted.  But since consciously deciding to forego meat it has been super easy to say no to junk food, even to almond and peanut butter M&Ms!

Instagram Image from our visit to the Fox Hollow Family Farm